Last week I was scammed. Almost.
I received one of those fake NZ post messages that ultimately ask you to pay $2 to have your parcel redelivered so that they can steal your credit card. Luckily, I cottoned on just in time, and did not give away my credit card details. Unfortunately, I did offer up my full name, email, password, date of birth, home address and phone number. Which led to some panic and a long time on hold to the non-emergency police line waiting to check if I was at risk of identity theft.
In case you’re wondering - I think I’m okay.
We don’t like scammers. I am fairly certain that everyone reading this article can confidently say that scamming someone is not nice. It is not kind. And when we were children and the grown-ups asked us what we wanted to be when we were older, I doubt there were any of us who gleefully declared “A scammer!”.
I was angry and annoyed at this scammer, and given the chance I would have liked to express that anger and annoyance to them. For what they tried to do to me, and for what they have inevitably done to many others.
But I didn’t really think about my scammer as a person. As a fellow human. Until later.
It was about 9pm at night. I’d had a long day at work. I’d been on hold to the police for way too long dealing with this scammer panic, and I hadn’t had any dinner yet. I was feeling worried and overwhelmed by the idea of potentially having to change my phone number, email address and all of my passwords.
A friend of mine called me and I had a little cry (I’m a big fan of crying when crying is called).
My friend was supportive and also spent a bit of time expressing her anger and frustration.
“Disgusting” she said “Can you imagine who does that to someone?”
Can I imagine who does that to someone…
I think it was calling another human “disgusting”. Which by the way I don’t blame my friend for doing. And I’ve certainly said a lot worse before.
But it’s my daily practice to acknowledge everyone. Everyone. As whole and worthy. It’s my spiritual practice to, as Ram Dass says; “Treat everyone you (I) meet like God in drag”.
So it got me questioning; who is this person? This scammer that everyone, myself included, has judged as a miserable, cruel monster.
Greediness stems from fear. Fear of not having enough.
So it’s a sure thing that my scammer felt they did not have enough money. Maybe they really didn’t have enough money. It’s an expensive world. Maybe they were genuinely concerned that if they didn’t scam some money soon they might starve.
Or maybe they already had more than most, but thought they needed some more. Either way; are they very dissimilar from anyone else who takes more than they need? Who disregards others in their urgency to satisfy their perceived needs?
When I’m having a hard time understanding, and having compassion for humans, I often look at animals.
Watching a tubby sparrow in the park try to pick up a piece of bread when he’s already got one in his beak, I think he’s adorable. Cheeky little guy.
Were there other birds that would have liked some of that bread? Yes.
Were there other birds that maybe claimed that bread first and mentally put it in their little bread accounts, saving it for later to share with their bird family? Yea probably.
So how come the greedy sparrow is a cute little fatty; adorable and lovable, but if a human does something similar - takes what is not theirs - they are a disgusting monster?
I love the birds that missed out on the bread. I feel bad for them and try to find them some more food. But that doesn’t stop me from loving the cheeky bird thief, and fully not holding it against him for putting his needs above the others.
We could argue that because birds are wild animals, they don’t know any better. They don’t understand ethics or boundaries. We don’t expect so much of them so we just let them off the hook.
That may be true on some level. But what I think is more true is that we naturally love all beings. Unconditionally. Birds and humans. But what blocks our love is fear. And other humans pose a much greater threat to us than sparrows in the park.
And so our human brains create rules. Rules to protect us.
Rules such as “it is wrong to scam someone” and “scammers are bad people that cannot be trusted”. And even; “some people are lovable and others are disgusting monsters”.
My scammer was no less lovable than my cheeky, tubby sparrow friend. No less lovable than you or I. No less lovable than the day we were all born, fresh and beautiful and oozing with goodness.
My scammer was just a scared human. A frightened wild animal. A cheeky little guy who was trying to get another piece of bread even though that bread did not belong to them.
A person trying to feel safe in a confusing, overwhelming and uncertain world.
Someone who was born on this planet and has probably forgotten how loved, precious and worthy they are.
Maybe they got called a monster a few too many times.
I am no stranger to fear. I bet you aren’t either.
I’ve worried countless times that I don’t have enough.
I’ve lived pay-check to pay-check and had to scramble to make ends meet.
I’ve eyed the giant bag of lentils my flatmate placed on the ‘communal’ shelf and thought with comfort that I could probably live off that for a week or two if need be.
I have felt the unexpected relief when interpreting a new boyfriend's sweet-nothing; “I’ll take care of you” to mean; “I’ll spot you for groceries if you’re short” or; “I’ll let you stay at my place if you get evicted”.
I’ve advertised cheap yoga classes for those on a low income, while being on a low income myself, and not being able to afford to attend yoga classes, no matter how cheap.
I’ve had to ask to borrow money to cover my basics.
But I have never been that scared. I’m privileged enough to have been able to be brave in my life and trust that things will work out. I have never actually worried that I might starve. I have never seriously worried about having a safe place to lay my head.
I have always had enough.
Not as much as some. But definitely a lot more than others.
And so, who am I to judge anyone else who has the fear? And how am I to judge the ways they try to get rid of it?
We are all in this together. Trying our best. Wild animals. Greedy, fat sparrows.
No monsters. Just beautiful, scared, wholly loveable humans.